D'Hara Grocery
by MadeOfWin35
Summary: In which Cara is a snarky cashier, Richard and Cara are bros/bffs, Zedd still eats too much, and Kahlan is the Hot Girl that comes in every Thursday night to flirt with an oblivious Cara. Legend of the Seeker at a grocery store run by Darken Rahl. My attempt at humor. Rated T for language and suggestive-ness. Modern AU. Cara/Kahlan. Complete. 3


**[A/N: I do not own Legend of the Seeker, blah blah blah. So this is my attempt at humor. I got the idea one day while at work (I'm currently working at a grocery store while I go to school) and I got a stupid customer in my line and wondered What Would Cara Do? And thus was this fic born. Reviews make my day!]**

D'Hara Grocery

Cara blinked disbelievingly at the customer in front of her as though she'd just requested Cara kill a small kitten. She was never going to understand what went on in some people's tiny, tiny brains, no matter how many more courses she took for her psych major. The woman in front of her looked insane, one of those anal-retentive, wishy-washy desperate housewives who was wearing a FUR STOLE despite the fact it was ninety degrees outside. The woman had requested her sliced loaf of bread be placed flat in the bag, rather than a vertical position. Apparently if it was in an upright position, the slices at the top would crush the slices at the bottom.

"You need to get laid," Cara said.

Of course that comment landed her right in her boss' office, Darken Rahl, Store Director of D'Hara Grocery number 10. Cara had never liked him; there was just something about him that made everyone think he had bodies buried in the basement. And his lecherous stares at his employee's asses (even the male employees) had never made him a particularly popular boss.

"Well then, Cara," Darken Rahl said, resting his elbows on his cheap, beat-up desk. Cara plopped down in one of the chairs with a huff and her signature eye roll. Her boss waved a piece of paper in front of her face. No doubt it was a write-up from Denna, the floor manager, and Cara's bitter enemy.

"That woman was insane!" Cara blurted out, by way of explanation for her actions.

"Cara," he said as he lecherously licked his lips. "I don't care if the customer asks you to stand on your head. Here at D'Hara Grocery, the customer is always right," he said with one of his condescending smiles. "Is that understood, Cara?"

She gave him her best I-secretly-want-to-ram-a-stick-so-far-down-your-throat-right-now smiles. "I have to go relieve Richard now," she said and flounced off.

ooo

She found Richard down Aisle Two, restocking sodas. Last year, Cara and Richard had met at a party thrown by their mutual friends Berdine and Raina, who also worked at D'Hara Grocery. Almost immediately they'd become best buds, they'd started college together, and recently had gotten an apartment together. People liked to joke they were the It couple of D'Hara Grocery, ironic since Cara wasn't straight.

"What's wrong?" Richard asked as soon as he saw Cara's face. "It's not Dahlia, is it?"

Dahlia and Cara had broken up six months before after Cara had discovered Dahlia had been repeatedly cheating on her. They'd been together three years and Cara had taken it really hard. There were nights when she'd gotten really drunk and had just cried on Richard's shoulder. Cara wasn't the touchy-feely type so Richard hadn't minded; it was one of things they never ever discussed. Like the time Richard had gotten so drunk he'd been laying in his own vomit and Cara had undressed him and hauled him into the shower. They had a special code of friendship.

The gorgeous blonde rolled her eyes. She hated how much she still missed her. "No. It was that stupid woman with the fur stole."

"Ah. Miss Thang," he said, adding a funny twang to his voice because he knew how it amused Cara. She didn't smile, but her spirits felt lifted. "Well, I know something that will really cheer you up," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

"A stripper?" Cara asked, her eyebrow raised. It was an ongoing joke between the two of them that when they had enough money, they'd each get the other a stripper for each other's birthday.

"No. Even better."

The aforementioned thing that was going to cheer up Cara suddenly walked past the aisle. Hot Girl. The hottest piece of ass to ever walk through the doors of D'Hara Grocery (at least in Cara's humble opinion). She had the ultimate, perfectly sculpted bod, a perfect ass, perfect breasts, everything was perfect. In Cara's fantasies, Hot Girl was her dream girl. She had luxurious brunette locks, perfect, white teeth, and big blue eyes. On this particular night, Hot Girl had outfitted herself in a pair of tight fitting work-out pants and a tightly fitted work-out top. She usually came in every Thursday night; Darken Rahl usually liked to leave around five, but on Thursday night he always stuck around longer just so he could leer at Hot Girl from the camera room.

It was the opinion of everyone who worked at D'Hara Grocery that Hot Girl had a thing for Cara. (Despite the fact that they'd had trouble determining Hot Girl's sexuality; both men and women had tried to flirt with her, but had gotten the same inconclusive results.) If Cara was on register, Hot Girl ALWAYS went through her line. It didn't matter if Cara had fifty people in line, Hot Girl always went to Cara to check-out. If Cara was just bagging a customer's groceries, she would go through that line. Cara didn't believe it even though they'd made a chart to show her the evidence. There was no way Hot Girl was into her.

"Hi."

Cara whipped around to face Hot Girl who had snuck up on her unawares. "H-hey," Cara said, only stuttering slightly.

"I was wondering if you guys were out of papaya juice? I can't find any."

"Oh, um."

Richard had his arms folded as he watched Cara struggle. He was smirking. The bastard.

"I think we moved it over here," she said, walking a little ways down the aisle. "Um, here it is."

"Oh, silly me, it was there the whole time. Thanks," Hot Girl said, giving her one of her dazzling smiles. Cara watched her walk away in a stupefied haze.

"Ask. Her. Out," Richard said, enunciating carefully as though he was talking to a child. "Seriously! Hit that! She is basically dropping her panties on the floor for you! You probably know her entire grocery list by now!"

Cara sighed.

"When's the last time you got laid? Be honest."

Cara sighed again. "Two months."

"Whoa. I did not know it was that bad." Cara had a lot of issues stemming from her time with Dahlia and despite her overactive sex drive, she'd found it difficult to be with anyone. All of her attempts at moving on had backfired so she'd stopped trying.

"I'm too screwed up for that girl."

"Don't say that, Cara. Everyone's a little messed up. Everyone had trust issues. Don't let what Dahlia did to you completely ruin your life."

Cara sighed again and swished back her hair. She knew he was right, but it was easier said than done.

ooo

It was another Thursday night. The highlight of Cara's day had been the Auntie Anne's pretzel Richard had brought her from the mall. The _highlight of the whole damn day._ It'd been one of those days. She'd gotten a phone call from Dahlia, who wanted to know if Cara had one of her cds. She'd also discovered that her insurance for her car had been cancelled and her phone bill was two days past due. All she wanted to do was go home and soak in the tub for a couple of hours, drink a bottle of wine (no wine glass needed) and forget this day had ever happened.

Then SHE walked in. Hot Girl, looking like she'd just gotten off work if her job was Sexy Secretary. She was wearing a navy blue button up shirt that showed off just the right amount of cleavage and a pair of dress pants. But the crème de la crème was definitely the glasses she was wearing. "Hi," Hot Girl said with a shy smile and walked past Cara as she picked up a hand basket and not her usual cart.

Richard winked at Cara when he saw Hot Girl walk up to Cara's register.

"Hi," Hot Girl said with one of her brilliant smiles that made Cara's legs turn to jelly at the sight of it.

"Hey," Cara responded, her voice low and controlled. _She's just a girl_ Cara kept repeating to herself.

"Slow night, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty late."

"I'm usually here earlier, but I had to work late."

Richard was shooting Cara a death glare. He pointed at Hot Girl and mouthed, Go for it.

"Oh, really? Um, where do you work at?"

"I'm an intern at a law firm. It doesn't pay worth anything, but it's a start. I'm studying criminal justice. What about you, are you in college?"

"Yeah. I'm studying psychology."

"Oh, really? That's cool!" Hot Girl said with enough enthusiasm that it made Cara feel a little more confident. "What got you interested in that?"

"Uh…well, my ex-girlfriend was studying it and I guess I just got sort of interested in it by default." Cara didn't note the way Hot Girl's eyes widened slightly at the word "ex-girlfriend."

"Well I guess its lucky you met her even though things didn't work out. My ex-girlfriend wanted me to go Africa with her and become a missionary, but…" Hot Girl scrunched her nose up adorably, "It definitely wasn't my calling."

"What got you interested in criminal justice?" Cara asked, swishing her hair in code for I'm into you.

"Oh, well, my father was really abusive towards my mom. He never touched my sister Dennee or me, but it was hard watching that. So I decided that when I grew up I'd try to put a stop to men like him." She typed in her pin number.

"Whoa, that's awful."

"Yeah. But it's all over now. My mom's remarried now to a man who truly appreciates her. Sorry, if I'm babbling."

"No, it's fine, I don't mind at all," Cara said with a genuine smile.

"See you around, Cara," Hot Girl said as she took her receipt, grabbed her groceries, and strutted out the store.

Richard stared at Cara for a few seconds before his face broke out into a grin.

Cara threw a wadded napkin at his face, but couldn't help her own goofy smile. There was definitely something there between her and Hot Girl.

ooo

A week passed, a blur of frantic studying for tests and getting shitfaced late at night. Another Thursday at D'Hara Grocery.

"Zedd, should you really be eating the produce? Our produce?" Cara asked, lazily cocking her head to the side as she observed the older man. "Produce you haven't paid for?"

Zedd just shrugged, his mouth too full of apple to respond.

She was startled out of her reverie by the sudden appearance of Hot Girl who she hadn't even seen coming into the store.

"Hi," she said, her voice unsteady, her eyes wide with surprise.

Hot Girl looked hot as always: this time wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans and a body hugging shirt. "Hey," Hot Girl said.

"Evening, ma'am," Richard, ever the gentleman, said. There was a twinkle in his eye, a twinkle Cara did not trust. She was chiefly suspicious of his pleasantries. "So Cara and I are having a party this weekend, Saturday night." Cara's eyes widened in horror and she almost choked on her own saliva. _Damn him! _"You should come."

Hot Girl smiled at him. "I'd love to."

Cara shot Richard a death glare and imagined hitting him over and over again with a baseball bat. With a smirk he wrote down the address and a contact number in case she got lost. (It was Cara's number of course, but neither one of the women would know that.)

"I'm Kahlan Amnell, by the way," she said, shaking Richard's hand.

Richard laughed lightly. "Well you already know both our names. Hope to see you there."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Kahlan said and bid them both a good night.

Richard ignored Cara's death glares for the rest of the night.

ooo

It was Saturday afternoon and Cara was having a panic attack. She had never been one of those girly-girls, who liked to wear dresses and dream about their wedding day. She'd always been a tomboy at heart and living with Richard especially brought that out. She was one of the bros; she never fussed about her clothes or her makeup or any of that. She'd adopted Richard's method of wearing whatever smelled like it'd only been worn once. But now she was freaking out.

"Chill bro," Richard said, already nursing a beer even though the party didn't start for another six hours.

"Ugh!" Cara flung her arms up in disgust. "What am I supposed to wear?!"

Richard laughed. It was just so adorable. "You really like this girl, don't you? It's cute."

Cara scrunched her nose up. "Cute? Cute?! Wait… do you think she'd like cute?"

Richard couldn't help but laugh harder. Sometimes Cara was too cute for words. He dug through the huge pile of clothes on her bed and pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a deep red V-shirt that would emphasize what Cara considered her two greatest assets. "Wear this. Trust me." Cara grumbled but complied.

ooo

"I am not nearly drunk enough for this," Cara said when she found Zedd making out with Shota, the crazy lady wearing the fur stole in ninety degree weather. She wasn't sure who had invited either of them, but it hadn't been her.

"CARA!" Raina bellowed from the kitchen. "Come have a shot with us!" Cara happily obliged. It was an hour or so into the party and Kahlan still hadn't shown up. The party was a fairly small group of people, only a little over a dozen people were there. Most were familiar faces from D'Hara Grocery, even Denna had deigned to make an appearance, sipping a cocktail and eyeing all the pretty girls. Cara made a face as she bit into the lime and licked the salt. She really shouldn't be drinking so much, she needed to have a clear head if Kahlan showed up. Unfortunately, Berdine and Raina had other ideas.

"Cara." Richard lightly bumped her arm. "She's here."

Cara's head snapped up towards the door where Kahlan had just walked in. She was wearing a white summer dress that exposed an ample amount of cleavage and showed off a pair of well toned legs. The lime fell from her fingers as she took in the sight. Kahlan glanced to the side where Shota and Zedd were making out and looked horrified. Fortunately, Richard had already made a beeline for her and was bringing her away from that nightmare.

"Hey, Cara," Kahlan said with a smile.

"H-hey," Cara managed to stutter out, her brain still tripping over the beauty before her. "Uh you want a drink?"

Richard had managed to quietly slip away, to Cara's slight annoyance.

"Absolutely."

"What would you like?"

With that angelic face and an even more angelic smile, Kahlan answered, "A Good Fuck."

Cara almost spit out her Bud Light Limeâ. Instead she just choked on it.

"It's just a drink. You should try it sometime," she said, her hand on Cara's arm and her eyes never leaving hers. What it implied was so much more.

"Y-yeah, I think maybe I should." It scared Cara to get close to someone again; she knew Kahlan probably wasn't the type who would just screw around with a person once and then just leave. No, she was the permanent kind, the type of girl a person brought home to their mom and dad, the type of girl a person made snow angels with, the type of girl one married. It both scared and exhilarated her.

"You should introduce me to some people," Kahlan said, taking a sip of the sour cherry vodka Cara had made for her.

"Ok," Cara said, her voice steady, her hand untainted by nervous sweat. "Raina! Berdine!"

"Hey, gorgeous," Raina, who'd had waaaaay too much to drink, said with a wink. Berdine was unphased, she sighed the sigh of the long suffering as she pulled her long-time girlfriend to her and wrapped her arms around her waist. Kahlan awwww'ed at the loving gesture.

"How long have you too been together?"

"About seven years now," Berdine said, smiling as Raina wandered off to find another drink. "Excuse me," she said, following her girlfriend.

Cara introduced Kahlan to the crowd, chatting with everyone. She had this weird sense of calm about her, this weird sense of peace. She felt like she was introducing her fiancée to her closest friends. She felt silly about it, but enjoyed it all the same. It'd been a long time since Dahlia and it felt nice to have someone on her arm again. Next, she showed her around the apartment. She introduced her to her tiny room briefly and then suggested they better go back out there before someone came looking for them.

"_Christ,"_ Cara cursed when they went back into the living room. Richard was dancing on one of the tabletops and shaking his ass to the song Milkshake. Kahlan almost fell over laughing. Even more hilarious were Raina's drunken calls for him to start stripping as she waved a billfold of ones at him. "Um, let's just get some drinks and chill in my room, okay?"

"Okay."

They talked for hours about everything from first loves, to families, to music, to movies. Cara laughed like she hadn't laughed in months. It felt peaceful and nice. When they were both finally too tired to keep talking, Cara just wrapped Kahlan in her arms and they fell asleep like that.

ooo

Cara woke to the sun shining brightly in her eyes. Kahlan was awake, watching her with a huge smile on her face. Cara wanted to take a picture of the moment and keep it forever.

"Hey."

"Hey," Cara said, smiling shyly back.

"Ngh," came from the floor.

Cara sprang up in bed. "Who the fuc- RICHARD!"

He sat up, blinking at the light. "Raina and Berdine stole my bed."

"I don't care!" Cara said, tossing a shoe and hitting him in the head. "Get out."

"Ow! Jeez! I'm going!"

"Sorry about that," Cara said to the beautiful girl in her bed.

Richard poked his head in, a cheeky grin on his face. "Told you she'd go for cute." Another shoe was tossed, and the head disappeared.

Kahlan was laughing.

"I'm going to kill him," Cara said, still fuming.

"Well, before you do that-" Kahlan kissed her.

Cara forgot all about killing Richard after that.

THE END

**Thoughts? Did any of you laugh or I am completely missing the funny mark? Let me know! ****J**


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